Grieving during the Holidays? Here’s Comfort and Encouragement for You!
I just got back from a two-week break (Mexico and California) from everything I usually do! But the four days I’ve been home have been crazy! My husband left two days after getting home for a medical teaching trip to Mauritania (Northwest Africa), close to the Sahara Desert. I’ve been catching up with laundry, getting some Christmas decorations up, and even having two sets of friends stop by for coffee! All that to say, when I edited my friend Lisa Hice’s blog, I decided to share it with YOU!
You might not be struggling with grief during this holiday season. But, if you are, or know someone who is, I hope these words from Lisa will be a comfort to you and whoever you share it with.
Poppy
Christmas is such a wonderful time of year as we get to celebrate the birth of Jesus, see pretty lights, and listen to cheerful Christmas music. There is so much joy and wonder this time of year
However, the holidays can also be a difficult time of year for many. Especially this year during the challenges of being isolated, dealing with loneliness and having to be away from family. Some of you may also be going through the grief of losing a job, a loved one, a pet, miscarriage, going through divorce or even unmet dreams. As someone who has also experienced many losses, I know this season is one of the hardest to go through.
It’s my hope that I can encourage you by providing some helpful tools.
During the times when I dealt with the loss of several loved ones, financial loss, job loss, relationship loss and even my pets, the tools that helped me were journaling, experiencing God’s comfort, and processing with a counselor who helped me to get through those times.
Here is one of my favorite Bible verses that I read often.
“Blessed be the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of mercies and God of all comfort, who comforts us in all our affliction, so that we may be able to comfort those who are in any affliction, with the comfort with which we ourselves are comforted by God.” 2 Corinthians 1:3-5 NIV.
God does come near to those that are broken, hurting and suffering.
Grief and loss of a loved one can affect people differently and have several stages.
First: It may be the busy, shock and denial stage. The time where you are preparing for the funeral, sorting belongings, selling property, and reading wills.
Second: When things finally slow down and people are not around as much, sadness can hit.
Third: It can lead to a stage of anger, regrets, and deep mourning. Thoughts of “I wish I did that or said that to the person.” It may even lead to feeling depressed. These responses may differ in intensity for everyone but don’t stuff your feelings. It’s healthy and good to take the proper time needed to process and grieve. Even Jesus wept at the grave of Lazarus (John 11). In time, things will begin to look and feel a little easier.
This time of year can also produce a lot of triggers. It might be a decoration, a scent, a song, a picture, seeing someone, a memory, or not having that special person at the dinner table. Being aware of this may help you be prepared for recognizing triggers and emotions can come at you anytime. Allow yourself the space and time to process if that happens.
If feelings, emotions, and depression is more than you can handle, I encourage you to reach out to someone. After several of my own losses, I met with a Stephen’s Ministries mentor. It was helpful to have someone just to talk with and listen. She also suggested journaling and writing.
Here are some more ways to take care of yourself:
· Exercise. Eat Healthy food. Stay hydrated. Get outdoors in the fresh air
· Laugh. Spend time or communicate with those close to you
· Enjoy whatever healthy activities help you relax.
During times of grief, loss, and hardship there can be a tendency to want to numb out. Some turn to alcohol, drugs, food, shopping, or over-committing themselves to stay busy. If this is you, or you have past addiction issues, reach out to a counselor or someone you can confide in.
There are many resources available that can help you process. These include counselors, grief counselors, classes, divorce care, and as I mentioned above, Stephen’s Ministries, pastors, and mentors. These resources can be found at local churches, hospitals, and other organizations and can even be a part of your work benefits. Many companies offer employee helplines that you can reach out to for someone to talk to. (See a list of RESOURCES below.)
Reach out: If you know someone who is experiencing a season of grief or loss, reach out to them. One of the greatest gifts you can give is a listening ear and your time. Especially at the 30-90-day mark after the loss. This is a peak time for grief to hit, and it’s often the time when others are not in contact as much as before.
It is my prayer that the God of comfort comes near to you. May you be filled with His love and a great sense of hope during this season.
Wishing you a very Merry Christmas!
Bible Verses:
Psalms 34:18, Psalms 147:3, Ecclesiastes 3:1-8, Matthew 5:4, 2 Corinthians 1:3-5, Revelations 21:4
RESOURCES:
Stephen’s Ministries: stephenministries.org/griefresources/default.cfm/774
Suicide Prevention: samhsa.gov/find-help/suicide-prevention
Mental Health & Addiction Helpline: samhsa.gov/find-help/national-helpline
Lisa Hice