Domestic Violence Hits the News—AGAIN!

NFL star Ray Rice punched his girlfriend in the head knocking her unconscious. Video displaying his violence is now producing an up-roar, causing him to lose his coveted and lucrative position as a star football player. Now his wife, Janay Rice, is rushing to his defense and blaming the media.For those of us who have never been punched unconscious, slapped, shoved, or abused in some way, domestic violence can seem far removed from our lives. But it isn’t. To one degree or another, it is in the Christian community.Last year I spoke on this topic at two conferences in different states and women lined up to tell me their stories. Whether this topic touches your life or not, I urge you to read and educate yourself so God can use YOU to support others.

This month, I’ll be tackling several questions on domestic violence including:

• Should Christian women accept abuse?
• Is this what God wants women to do?
• Is acceptance of abuse how you win a boyfriend or husband to Jesus?

If you’d like a check list of how to spot a potential abusive relationship, click on this pin on Pinterest.As a former volunteer in a domestic violence shelter and a Christian speaker and author, I feel a responsibility to be available to women at retreats and other events who wish to talk privately about issues that trouble them. Several times a year I find myself in the situation described below:

At a retreat, a woman I’ll call “Mary” came to my room to talk.

Her first words were, “I’ve never told anyone about this before, but my husband pushes me around. He hit me across the face and then blamed me for losing control. He’s a leader in our church and I can’t share this with anyone. Anyway, he’s not abusive—he just gets upset at times and finds it hard to control himself. Maybe it’s my fault.”

I shared with her a basic definition of abuse, or what is called domestic violence when it’s part of an intimate relationship:

Abuse is any behavior that is designed to control and subjugate another human being through the use of fear, humiliation, and verbal or physical assault. Including:

• Verbal: Yelling. Threats. Name calling. Constant criticism, put downs, and insults. Silent treatment.
• Psychological/emotional: Mind games, mental coercion, crazy making. Accusations, isolation, spying.
• Physical: Hitting, biting, shoving, slapping, etc.
• Sexual: Rape, forced sexual behavior, jokes, or hurtful comments.
• Property: Destroying, throwing, kicking walls, doors, furniture.
• Financial: controls, decides, lies about money.

Let me encourage you: One incident of abusive behavior does not mean it will become a pattern—but it does mean you need to talk about what caused it and what steps need to be taken so it is not repeated.Mary couldn’t accept that she was in an abusive relationship. As we ended our time I asked her to google Domestic Violence, call a hotline, and decide for herself what to do. I also gave her my phone number if she wanted to talk some more.

Do you recognize yourself, or a friend or family member, in a similar situation? Knowledge is readily available and so is spiritual wisdom. Proverbs 8:33 calls us to: “Listen to my instruction and be wise, do not ignore it.”

Let's Talk: What steps will you take today to equip yourself for making wise choices, physically, emotionally and spiritually? (If you are an email subscriber and want to comment on the actual post, click here to visit the blog and leave a comment.)

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