Domestic Violence—Does it Affect You? Single or Married - Learn from a Real Life Story

Signs of Rihanna and Chris Brown becoming serious about each other once again are everywhere. Has his past abuse been forgotten in the excitement of hooking up again?  Does he promise there will be no repeat performance where he loses his temper and punches her in the face? Does she believe it? Time will tell. Disagreements between couples, whether dating or married, are normal. Conflict happens. Dealt with in healthy ways conflict helps you know more about each other—what’s important to you both and why. You also get to see how your respective upbringings, backgrounds, values, and personality type shape your perspective and reactions.In my book Why Can’t He Be More Like Me? I write, “A healthy marriage (relationship) permits both parties to speak up ad express their thoughts and desires.  You can differ with each other without fear of being verbally or physically attacked. But in an unhealthy marriage (relationship) one partner (statistically, more often the man) insists on being in control. He makes the decisions and tells you exactly what to do… you have no power to change what he wants.”  Of course, women can also insist on being in control!Arguments happen to one degree or another between couples for many reasons. When they do, Christians are told to be patient, forgive, love, and accept one another (Ephesians 4: 29-32). This takes zipping your lips, controlling your temper, leaving the room and making space to calm down. In other words, instead of escalating the tension by getting louder, more insistent, even grabbing the other person or shoving them, it’s your responsibility to stop. There is no place for physically lashing out and hurting the one you claim to love. Yet it happens, even in “Christian” relationships. Are you dating?  Here are signs of a potentially abusive personality. Does he/she:

• Lose their temper quickly?
• Blame others for their proble
• Have a mother that was abused by their father?
• Get angry if you don’t take their advice?
• Get jealous and suspicious of your friends?
• Accuse you of lying about your whereabouts?
• Want you with them all the time and to know where you are and with whom?
• Threaten murder or suicide to control you?

 If you’re wondering about Rihanna, know these facts about battered women in general:

• Battering, whether verbal, emotional, sexual, or physical happens to women in every social,   economic, and educational level.
• They often stay, or return, because they love their partner and believe his promises to change.
• They often make excuses, blaming themselves for not being a “good” girlfriend/wife.
• They are usually blamed by their “Christian” boyfriend/husband for not being submissive enough or sensitive to their needs. In some way, it is their woman’s fault and therefore, they deserve what they get.

 In all likelihood, Rihanna and Chris Brown love each other. She knows what can happen. We can only hope that their resurgent relationship is one of growing mutual respect and caring—and not a fatal attraction.Blessings,Poppy SmithInternational speaker, multi-published author, Bible teacher, and spiritual coachInspiring Women to Thrive!  You can order Why Can't He Be More Like ME? on Amazon in two formats: paperback and for your Kindle – just click the book cover. Click on the bookcover to order the paperback or eBook from Amazon.Poppy Smith has volunteered in a domestic violence shelter and cares passionately about helping people grow spiritually and personally. A former teaching leader with Bible Study Fellowship, Poppy has a Masters in Spiritual Formation. She is a multi-published author and ministers extensively as a retreat and conference speaker both in the US and around the world. For more information about Poppy’s heart, her books and ministry, please visit her website at www.poppysmith.com.The graphic in this post is from the Microsoft Gallery and is used with permission.