Aging Parents? Talk, Encourage, Decide
Last month I joined my two sisters on a week’s cruise from England to Norway. We hadn’t spent that much time together for nearly 20 years. Naturally, we talked about our parents, our upbringing, and how differently our lives had turned out.
Our parents passed away a while ago, and living in America meant that I was not part of taking care of them as they aged. In actual fact, Mum and Dad died 10 years apart after just a short few days in their local hospital. They didn’t need long-term help from any of us and we didn’t have to make agonizing decisions.
But that’s not what over 20 million Americans currently experience according to information at Senior Health, Parenting Our Parents, and Caring.com.
The vast majority of care-givers are women—perhaps that’s you right now, or will be at some point. Whether you’re already in this season, or see it coming on the horizon, here are 3 necessary steps to put into practice. (The following brief excerpts are taken from I’m Too Young to be This Old in the chapter titled, My Parents Need Me, How Should I Help?)
Talk, Talk, Talk…
Awkward as it is to ask your parents how they want their affairs handled if they can’t manage on their own, don’t put it off. Break the ice by sharing what plans or hopes you have for your own future. Here are five areas to pray about and to try gently discussing with them:
Medical Care. Have they expressed verbally or in writing their wishes regarding end of life care? Who they want to speak for them if they are unable to?
Financial Provision. How will they pay for long-term care if needed?
Living Arrangements. What are their preferences and choices if unable to care for themselves?
Legal Matters. Do they have an up-to-date will? Who do they want as Power of Attorney to handle their finances if necessary?
Location of Documents. Where do they keep insurance, Medicare, military, investments, and tax records, as well as mortgage and automobile titles? What passwords or codes do you need to access these documents?
Encourage Their Independence
Whether male or female, the elderly benefit by staying in their homes, making their own decisions, and maintaining social contacts and interests for as long as possible. Encourage your parent to stay independent and if there’s a problem, be available to problem-solve rather than step in and rescue—unless needed. Remember: In Psalm 92:14, God says His people can still bear fruit in old age. That’s what I’m hoping for!
Decide What You Can Do Best
Pray for wisdom.
Get input from family, siblings and others.
Evaluate the available options realistically.
If you are the care-giver, plan to get relief.
Consider care facilities.
Watching our parents age brings many feelings and fears to the surface. Let me encourage you to face this season with dependence on the Lord, openness to learning, and a willingness to accept the support of others.
Let's Talk: What helps you cope? I’d love to hear and share your wisdom.Share your thoughts on Facebook or email me directly.