Single or Married? Chasing Fantasies?
“Do not conform any longer to the pattern of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind” Romans 12:2
It’s Valentines Season—and whether you’re single or married, most women’s minds go to romance, love, happy times, expectations, and hopes of flowers, maybe chocolates, and dinner out. I’m no different.
But Valentine’s Day can also leave you vulnerable to fantasies of “If only….” Or, “Maybe I should ….”
Here’s a true story about one woman who let her fantasies and discontent almost ruin her life! It’s an illustration worth learning from when your romantic life is either non-existent, or less than what you long for!
Marilyn, a married, fiftysomething accountant, came dangerously close to starting an affair with her old high-school sweetheart. Frustrated with her quiet, calm, and somewhat boring husband, Marilyn often fantasized about how much fun she had with Jason decades before. She decided to look him up on the Internet. Once she discovered his email address, the temptation to contact him obsessed her.
A few days later, heart pounding, Marilyn carefully crafted a casual email asking Jason how he and his family were and if he would be attending their high-school reunion. Then she hit Send.
As a wife and active Christian, Marilyn fought her sense of guilt by rationalizing that there was nothing wrong in contacting Jason. Probably both would be at the reunion, so it was only natural to connect after all these years and arrange a meeting.
Jason responded immediately, excited to be back in touch. At the reunion, he lost no time suggesting they make excuses to their spouses and plan a weekend together. Marilyn was thrilled at the idea. All her old feelings for Jason came surging back. Using their work addresses, they exchanged passionate letters as they made plans for their forbidden weekend.
Then God stepped in!
Shortly before finalizing her plans, Marilyn attended a women’s retreat. “The speaker said fantasizing about old boyfriends was not honoring to God,” Marilyn recounted as we discussed her spiritual journey. “She told us how God had convicted her of this sin many years before, and that if we wanted Jesus to be Lord of our lives, He had to be Lord of our minds also. I was so angry that I left the auditorium, but I knew that my plans were not okay with God no matter how hard I tried to convince myself.”
Face-to-face with how she had almost thrown away the respect of her daughters and the love of a faithful husband, Marilyn recognized her delusion. In her fantasies, she and Jason were clones, meant to be together. They found each other attractive, exciting. Their personalities clicked. They laughed at the same things. Surely any reasonable person could see they would be happier together than with their spouses.
Fantasizing about an ideal relationship with someone, whether you’re single or married, isn’t unusual. Nor is dreaming that somewhere in this world your clone exists (and is longing to find you as much as you want to find him). As grown women let’s face reality: no such man is out there. We also must face the fact that the men we didn’t marry, the ones who got away or who we rejected, were not perfect either.
With these facts in mind—let me wish you a very Happy Valentine’s Day—man or no man, ideal man or humanly flawed man! Remember, the only perfect, totally accepting, and never-ending love is yours in the person of Jesus—who sees all your flaws, and mine—and is always wanting and working for our best!
(These thoughts are drawn from “Why Can’t He Be More Like Me?” Ch. 3: “He’s not my clone!”)
Blessings,
Poppy
If this article has you wanting some support or input, be sure to get in touch.
For more help, check out my book, Why Can't HE Be More Like ME?
I’d love to autograph your copy when you order HERE.
Photo credit: GraphicStock Photos