PERSONALITY DIFFERENCES: FUN OR FRICTION?
positive negative
Be joyful always; pray continually, give thanks in all circumstances for this is God’s will for you in Christ Jesus. 1 Thessalonians 5:16
How would you describe your personality? Are you mainly a positive person? Or do you find yourself a bit negative at times? Knowing your general bent can be very helpful—but identifying the main bent of the man in your life (or men: spouse, boyfriend, co-worker, boss, brother or father) can be even more useful.
To help you recognize the role personality differences make in your relationships, here’s some more input from Why Can’t He be More Like Me? (pp. 88-95).
A simple definition of personality is “the characteristics of a person that lead to consistent patterns of feeling, thinking, and behaving.” These characteristics are generally established by adolescence. Slight changes might happen over time, but the fantasy of changing your spouse (or anyone else for that matter) into a replica of yourself is not likely to happen.
Couples who are wired differently, where one is more positive and supportive than the other, and whose personalities don’t click, inevitably clash more often than those who respond to life with similar attitudes.
When it comes to dating and marriage:
Personality differences are often overlooked in the romantic dizziness of dating.
Once married, however, what was once ignored or deemed unimportant, can become intolerable!
If you’ve read my blogs, books, or heard me speak, you’re probably familiar with the four personality types I refer to: Sanguine, Choleric, Melancholy, and Phlegmatic. I’m also aware of the DISC, Myers-Brigs, and the Enneagram, all of which go more deeply into personality differences.
For today, see what most describes you—and the man you’re thinking about!Are you mainly Sanguine?
You love to have fun, be around people, talk and laugh
You have high energy, easily moved by your emotions, and expressive
Are you mainly Choleric?
You love new challenges, are a visionary, active and decisive
You’re a born leader, get frustrated easily, a motivator, confident
Are you mainly Melancholy?
You love quiet, a detail person, reliable, a planner
You don’t enjoy pressure, like to be on time, have a routine
Are you mainly Phlegmatic?
You avoid conflict, don’t express feelings or get upset easily
You’re competent, patient, pleasant, and objective
I’m a mix of Sanguine, Choleric, and have a touch of Melancholy. What about you? My husband is a blend of Phlegmatic and Choleric. What about the man you deal with?
Do you recognize what creates friction between you? Or what brings fun into your relationship?
Here are 5 quick tips I’ve found helpful many times:
ASK GOD to help you ACCEPT your different ways of reacting and handling issues, as well as to reveal your own inner thoughts and attitudes.
ASK the HOLY SPIRIT to help you IDENTIFY and work on any self-talk that leaves you complaining and upset.
ASK GOD FOR patience, understanding, and wisdom.Seek the wisest response to the situation. Is it to be silent? To let it go? Or to speak up and ask for clarification about his reaction (and share where yours is coming from also.) :)
SOOTHE yourself: take several deep breaths, zip your lips, leave the room, and ask God how to build rather than break down your relationship.
TRAIN yourself to focus on all the good qualities he has. Make a list. Remember, no one is perfect. We are all in the growth process—but don’t overlook or excuse sinful behavior toward yourself. Enabling another to sin is not a God-honoring response. (For more help tackling these issues, see p. 135 in WHY CAN’T HE…?)
Let me encourage you to think about what you both enjoy.
What you laugh at.What makes you feel happy together? THEN GO DO IT!
In next week’s blog I’ll talk about how your roots, and his, can contribute to different Christmas expectations and customs. Be sure and sign up to get it directly into your inbox.
Poppy
Photo credits: DollarPhoto Club