How to Change - Guest Post from Kathy Collard Miller
A note from Poppy: As Jesus followers, we’re called to love others, build them up, and be kind—but do we do this out of love for the Lord and the person, or out of our own needs? This thought-provoking excerpt from Never Ever Be the Same by guest writers Kathy Collard Miller and Larry Miller prompts us to do some healthy soul-searching.
How to Change
We all wonder how we can actually make changes in our lives. One principle to do that is “sit in it.” Here’s how it works.First, continue to do a particular behavior and pay attention to what it provides emotionally. You may notice a need is being met but it may not necessarily be the way God wants that.The second option is to consciously stop the behavior and pay attention to what you feel you're lacking. That could point out how you’re trying to meet the need yourself.I used this tool to examine why I felt compelled to be overly friendly toward service providers, such as a waitress. The next time I was in a restaurant, I reacted in my usual way. I smiled. I gushed. I complimented the waitress's pretty hairstyle. And I silently prayed, “Lord, what does this mean?” I thought I knew but I wanted to confirm it.Within a few days, we were out to eat again. This time I took the second option. I didn't smile and I ordered without even looking at the waitress. I felt uneasy and tense. I silently prayed, “Lord, what's the meaning of this tension?”As I literally “sat”there both physically and emotionally, the Holy Spirit revealed my motives: I felt responsible for the waitress's happiness. If I wasn't extremely friendly and encouraging, the waitress would think I didn't like the food and then feel bad. It boiled down to believing I had power over her emotions and if she felt bad, then that reflected on me—I wasn't a very nice person.In fact, being seen as caring made me feel self-righteous. Finally, there was something I could do perfectly: be caring. And I wanted her to smile back to indicate she was enjoying my presence. It was all about me. I didn't really want her best. I wanted my image to shine.This may not seem like a big deal, but I struggle with the idol of People Pleasing. I believe God can't be powerful enough to provide the needs of another person. I must be the provider. But playing “god”is a sin because I'm saying God isn't capable of providing what someone else needs.As a result of “sitting in it,”I prayed, “Lord, I'm so sorry. I have made something good all about me. Even if this waitress thinks poorly of me, I'm still not responsible for her reaction or how she feels about herself. You can provide what she needs. Please forgive me of my People Pleasing. I'm so grateful that you are revealing more layers of my sin.”When I did repent, a burden fell off my shoulders. I could let God be God in that person's life. Why did I think I could handle someone else's life when I could barely handle my own? *This article by Kathy Collard Miller and Larry Miller is excerpted from their newest book, Never Ever Be the Same (Leafwood Publishers).[Tweet "How do you reflect on the reason behind your good deed? Kathy Collard Miller shares today: "]