Are Men Jerks? Or Are They Just Different?
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ARE MEN JERKS? OR JUST DIFFERENT?
A Facebook follower recently wrote:WHY ARE MEN SUCH JERKS? I assume she had a bad experience and wanted to let off steam. (She later told me her story. In the middle of a painful divorce, she attended a high school reunion. After a fun evening she received propositions from two married men who were there with their wives. Since her husband had just left her, I can understand her disgusted comment!)
But, let’s look at the broader picture. How do you view men?
Personally, I don’t use the word Jerks. Or Losers. Or any other labels if I can help it. Yes, some men are unfaithful, manipulative, and out for themselves—but so are some women.If you’ve been deeply wounded by a cheating or abusive man, it’s understandable if you’re tempted to paint all of them with the same brush. However, they aren’t all the same any more than all women are the same and treat men badly. It’s true, statistically, that more men abuse women than the other way round. But gender battles and contempt for the other sex was not God’s plan.
FRUSTRATION IS HELPED BY INFORMATION.
So much of the frustration between men and women comes from simply not understanding why good decent men are different than we are. I know this first hand. After years of confusion, frustration, and tears I finally asked God to show me WHY? Why were my husband, Jim, and I so different?In this new series ARE MEN JERKS? OR JUST DIFFERENT?, I’ll be sharing some excerpts from my book Why Can’t He Be More Like Me?, along with some other material.
The fact is: We are not clones of each other. And to live with, work alongside of, or be friends with the opposite sex takes a huge amount of understanding, adaptability, and adjustment for many women! Here’s a list of what we’ll look at in the coming weeks:
Differences are More Than Skin Deep! Genesis 1:27 states: God created male and female. Yes, we’re different visually, but that’s just the beginning.
Our Brains Aren’t Wired the Same. Men are not women in disguise and women aren’t men in disguise, either.
Are You Right Brain/Left Brain? Take a quiz and see the differences.
Do Your Personalities Produce Fun or Friction? Another eye-opening quiz.
Check Your Roots. How were you shaped by your home-life?
What Did You Say? Learn to speak so a man doesn’t tune you out!
TO KICK OFF OUR SERIES ON UNDERSTANDING MEN, HERE’S A COUPLE OF FUN STORIES:
“Mm, it smells like French perfume,” teased my husband, Jim, while driving past a hog farm on a humid August day in Iowa. Raised on a dairy farm, Jim took barnyard smells in stride. They made me gag.
As a love-struck bride, I had assumed my husband was NORMAL—with the definition of “normal” being myself. Because of this, I naturally expected Jim would react to everything as I did.
Stumbling through the first months and years of marriage, however, it became increasingly clear that our ideas of normal didn’t match. I had not found my clone.Where I wanted a dog that lay by my chair as I read the newspaper in front of the fire, Jim wanted a dog that stayed outside. Where I wanted to replace the ugly, brown, Early American wallpaper in our first home, Jim thought there was nothing wrong with it. Instead of “two hearts beating as one,” our two hearts, minds, and wills beat individually—and wondered what was wrong with the other.In teaching about different personality types, speaker and author, Florence Littauer, humorously describes when she first realized she had not married her clone.While eating a bunch of sweet, purple grapes on the balcony of their honeymoon suite, her husband, Fred, came out and watched. After a few moments he said, “You are not eating those grapes properly.”“What’s wrong with how I’m eating them,” Florence asked? “I pick one off the stem and pop it in my mouth. How do you think I should do it?”“With a knife and fork,” Fred responded. “That’s how I was raised.”
Differences Aren’t Always Delightful.
In spite of stories from happily married couples who describe their differences as complementing and strengthening their relationship, this isn’t always the case. You might not wish your husband were like you in every detail, but if you’re far apart on most issues it’s easy to slowly lose a positive outlook.Discovering that your husband (boss, colleague, brother, or friend) responds to life experiences in his own unique way can leave you frustrated, irritated, furious, or tearfully moaning, “Why can’t he see things my way?” One or more of these reactions is especially true if you start out believing you will see eye to eye on various issues, figure things out the same way, and come to the same conclusions.
Without realizing it, you assumed you were marrying (working with, having fun with) your clone. But you weren’t. A MAN IS NOT LIKE YOU BECAUSE HE’S A MAN, NOT A WOMAN!
And what does God challenge us to do? Accept one another, then, just as Christ accepted you in order to bring praise to God (Romans.15:7)
Let’s talk: Is there a man in your life who baffles or annoys you? How does this basic truth that God created both men and women as unique beings help you accept rather than dismiss, describe, or call them “JERKS”? Poppy
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