ANGRY? ASK YOURSELF, “WHY?”
“In your anger do not sin” Eph. 4:26.
I’ve never punched anyone, but I know what it’s like to be angry. Do you?
In the early years of marriage and motherhood, I had a lot of anger. I met my Iowa farm-boy husband in Kenya and came to the US as a 22 year old newly married immigrant. I had no friends or family in the country, and my husband was swallowed up in his studies and work.
Young, alone, and overwhelmed, I was often angry and said things I regret. Words that hurt my husband and children. In my book, Why Can’t He be More Like Me?” I describe the day I cried out to God and said, “Lord, I hate who I have become. Please change me and help me build my marriage instead of tearing it down with my tongue.” And, bit by bit, He did.
Jesus’ anger at people’s callous indifference to suffering was not sin. (Mark 3: 1-6). Being angry like Jesus at injustice and cruelty is not sin. It is showing the righteous character of God. But let’s be honest. Our anger usually stems from not getting our way. At least, that’s been my experience!Anger happens. And when it does, we need to look at our response.
Ask yourself:
Do I BLAME? Lash out, accuse, and say it’s the other person’s fault? Do I act out when I’m driving? Complain loudly? Slam doors? Swear? Do things I later wish I hadn’t?
Do I WITHDRAW? Shut down? Turn away from the person who has upset me? Become cold, indifferent, and refuse to talk?
Do I TURN IT INWARD? Stew? Rehearse the offence? Hold a grudge, allowing it to destroy me and my relationships?
After being an angry woman, I want to live an emotionally healthy and happy life–one that reflects my relationship with Jesus.I don’t want to be the angry person I once was. As I’ve prayed and practiced what God has shown me, I’ve learned to ask myself:
WHY am I angry?
What exactly is making me angry?
Were my expectations reasonable given the circumstances? Had I made them known?
WHAT is going on?
Am I feeling anger–or is there some other emotion underneath? What’s the real problem?
Is my anger justified or am I making a mountain out of a molehill, blowing off steam and blaming? Was something said or done intentionally to upset me?
Am I mind-reading, thinking the person I’m angry with should have known how I’d feel?
HOW should I handle it?
Is my self-talk feeding my anger? Am I using words that inflame me, or cool me down?
Will my anger bring about what I desire–a better relationship, less stress, a solution?
All of us get angry at times, but when it happens, stop—zip your lips —and ask God to help you calm down and understand what is going on IN YOU. Remind yourself that your words have power, to build up or break down relationships. Is that what you want? Or will you intentionally pray for the power to control your words, knowing God wants to give you victory in this crucial area of life?
I’d love to hear what God has taught you.
Blessings and growth in Christ,
Poppy
Photos: Graphic Stock