ABUSE: Information Every Woman Needs
Some of you might have read this article before but there has been so much in the news recently about the physical and sexual abuse of women, I feel compelled to post it again. I know abuse is not a pleasant topic but sadly it is a reality. When I've been invited to speak on this topic at women's events, the stories many shared privately astonished me. I am no longer astonished, just very sad. The women who told me their stories also urged me to talk about this for the sake of others who suffer. Please know I am a safe and available person to discuss this topic with if you feel the need. Just send me an email and I will get back to you.
Poppy
When Dan slapped Wendy for the first time, both were shocked. After all, they were Christians! But after it happened repeatedly, Wendy saw that there was a typical cycle.
The abuse cycle can vary but women in abusive situations and those who counsel with them generally recognize the following seven stages.
(To be fair, a percentage of men are abused by women, but for this post I will refer to the man as the abusive partner. Also, not all domestic abuse leads to preplanned attacks, however, any physical or sexual attack is an offence in the eyes of the law and the Lord!)
Here are seven common signs to watch for:
1. Rising tension, irritability, fault-finding, and anger often precede verbal, physical, and other forms of abuse. This attack is intended to assert power and control and induce fear.
2. The abusive partner can feel guilty following the incident, particularly at first. There are apologies, promises to never do it again, maybe the giving of gifts. Later this typically diminishes when he sees that his partner is willing to stay. He fears others might discover his behavior so threatens his wife if she tells “their” secret.
3. He rationalizes and justifies his behavior by saying it was her fault. Often, she believes this and makes excuses for him: he was tired, dinner wasn’t ready, she’s not meeting his needs. She rationalizes that he’s really nice—except for those occasions when he’s out of control.
4. Between abusive episodes, the appearance is often given by both partners that everything is normal between them. Because of shame, fear, or love, both act as if nothing happened.
5. When the tension mounts again, the abuser starts to build a case by focusing on what he doesn’t like and how he’s justified in asserting his power again.
6. At this point, he can start planning when and where to show who is in control. He considers what situation would create the desired effect.
7. He sets up the situation to attack, often escalating from verbal and emotional destructive behaviors to physical and sexual.
DOES A MAN HAVE ANY SCRIPTURAL RIGHT TO ATTACK HIS WIFE? NO!
Christ told men to love their wives as He loves the church and gave Himself for it. Ephesians 5:25-33
FACT: Many women recognize it is time to leave when their children are being emotionally, verbally, or physically abused. As mothers, we have a responsibility before God to protect our children from damage that could affect the rest of their lives and their future relationships.
If you need confidential, Christ-centered help, please contact ARMS (Abuse Recovery Ministry Services) at 866-262-9284 for support and guidance. Or contact me.
Prayerfully ask God how He wants you to use this information so others can experience His truth that they are loved and valued by Him.
- Is there someone you might send this to?
- Is there someone you might give a printed copy to?
- Someone you need to pray for and check in with?
Poppy
Looking for more? Find articles on the following topics by clicking each word:
Abuse
Anger
Self Talk
Marriage
Relationship Troubles
Relationships
Spiritual Support