9 Questions to Calm Yourself Down
Flying through Chicago airport I was startled to hear a woman shouting at the Boarding Agent. Everyone swiveled around to see what was happening.
I didn’t catch the reason for her angry outburst at the check in desk, but she had no intention of keeping her rage to herself. After listening and trying to help, the Agent decided he’d taken enough abuse. He locked his desk and disappeared.
I didn’t blame him!
However, five minutes later he reappeared with a burly man in a bright yellow vest—clearly a “mediator” of some kind.
Talking softly and soothingly to the irate customer, he helped her calm down and listen to what the airline could do to help with her frustration. She was wiping her tears as I heard my call to board.
Whether you’re angry at an airline employee, fuming in traffic, annoyed at work, irritated at home, or caught up in divisive political dialogue, ask yourself: what is going on in me?
I didn’t catch the reason for her angry outburst at the check in desk, but she had no intention of keeping her rage to herself. After listening and trying to help, the Agent decided he’d taken enough abuse. He locked his desk and disappeared.
I didn’t blame him!
However, five minutes later he reappeared with a burly man in a bright yellow vest—clearly a “mediator” of some kind.
Talking softly and soothingly to the irate customer, he helped her calm down and listen to what the airline could do to help with her frustration. She was wiping her tears as I heard my call to board.
Whether you’re angry at an airline employee, fuming in traffic, annoyed at work, irritated at home, or caught up in divisive political dialogue, ask yourself: what is going on in me?
If your anger erupts fast and hot, what can you do?
Those of us “blessed” with the gift of being verbal often need help with controlling our tongues and temper. At least, I do! I want to live an emotionally healthy and happy life–not to mention one that reflects my relationship with Jesus.
As I’ve prayed about my problem and practiced what God has shown me, I’ve discovered nine questions that give me needed perspective and the power to get over it.
Ask Yourself:
- What is making me angry?
- Were my expectations reasonable given the circumstances? Had I made them known?
- Am I feeling anger–-or is there something else underneath? What’s the real problem?
- Is my anger justified or am I making a mountain out of a molehill, blowing off steam and blaming?
- Was something said or done to intentionally upset me?
- Am I mind-reading, claiming the person I’m angry with should have known how I’d feel?
- Is my self-talk feeding my anger? Am I using words that inflame me, or cool me down?
- Will my anger bring about what I desire–-a better relationship, less stress, a solution?
- What if I change my “should” statements to: “It would have been nice if…. I wish the situation were different, but it is what it is.” Try reframing your self-talk and see how it improves your mood!
“A gentle answer turns away wrath, but a harsh word stirs up anger.” (Proverbs 15:1, NIV)
THEN:
Tell yourself the truth:
- With God’s help I CAN cope
- I CAN tolerate the situation
- There ARE solutions, and
- I CAN learn new responses.
Want help with your emotions? Need support in changing some habits you want to be free from? Email me: poppy@poppysmith.com
Blessings and growth,
Poppy