4 Tools For Improving Relationships

Whether married or single, from time to time we all face tough stuff in relationships—with a parent, a child, a neighbor, someone we’re dating, working with, or a fellow Christian. People are different; we are not clones of one another, so it is understandable that we see things differently. Because of that, we all need tools to navigate through life’s inevitable conflicts.  Why not think through a difficult situation in your life in the light of the following tools? Before you do, be sure and ask God for ears to hearwhat He is saying to you, the inner honesty to accept it, and the wisdom to do what is best.       

1. Acknowledge Reality. Psalm 51:6 - You desire honesty from the heart…. (TLB)

 If things are bothering you, be willing to acknowledge it to yourself. David (who wrote Psalm 51) kept pushing down his guilt. He tried to live in denial, refusing to acknowledge he had a problem and the result was inner misery. Are you in a situation that is producing similar struggles? Are you feeling like a victim? As if you are being taken advantage of by a family member or someone else?   Whatever your current situation, be willing to be honest with yourself and with God about your feelings because denial will never bring resolution. 

2. Analyze Issues. Proverbs 14:1 - The wise person (woman) BUILDS, but the foolish person (woman) destroys. (Often through our mind, moods and mouth!).

Once you’ve acknowledged the reality of your feelings, ask yourself: 

• What is the problem? Try and define it in a few sentences.
• Why is it happening? What is contributing to the problem? 
• How do I feel about it? Again, be very truthful. 
• What expectations do I have that aren’t being met?
• How is that affecting me?
• What do I really want? (A healthy relationship or my own way?)          

3. Accept what cannot be changed and change what can. Philippians 4:13 - I can do everything God asks me to with the help of Christ who gives me the strength and power (TLB)

 One of missionary Amy Carmichael’s poems is called, “In Acceptance Lies Peace.” This is often a hard truth to receive but sometimes that is all we can do in difficult situations.  Are you struggling, determined that someone else change? Is it creating tension, conflict, anger in you? Could God want you to step back and give up being the rescuer or the one to change another? On the other hand, is there something you can change—in yourself? Your responses?  Your expectations? Your circumstances? How would this bring about the longing of your heart? 

• How does Philippians 4:13 speak to your situation?

4. Aim for Growth. Hebrews 12:1-2 - Let us strip off what trips us up…run with patience… keeping our eyes on Jesus, our leader and instructor (TLB)

 God’s great desire for us is to throw off what trips us up and to keep growing into the likeness of Christ. When life is smooth and easy, we can float along, but when it is tough, we are more aware than ever of our need of Jesus. Whatever difficult relationship you find yourself in, remind yourself that it contains the seeds of spiritual growth for you. It can drive you to the Lord for patience, self-control, a love for the unlovable, a servant heart, or the courage to step out of a situation that is not what God desires for you. 

Think about this foundational truth:

“In all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose.”  Romans 8:28

 How does God want you to apply it to your present circumstances?  Blessings,  Poppy SmithInternational speaker, multi-published author, Bible teacher, and spiritual coachInspiring Women to Thrive!