4 Responses When Talking to Difficult People
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While Poppy is away, here's a post she shared a few years ago. Enjoy!
Tired and jet-lagged I waited for my turn to show my passport to the Immigration Officer at O’Hare Airport. I’d been up for 24 hours and had another 4 hour flight ahead of me to Oregon. Seeing no one at the open booth or coming from another area, I walked forward and produced my passport. The female officer took my passport, stared at me, told me to look at the camera, and then launched her attack! “You should not be in this line,” she lectured me. “You’re not at the right booth. Can’t you see that people from that other line come to this booth?” I apologized, saying I didn’t see anyone coming so I thought it was okay to step forward. “Well, it isn’t,” she retorted. Then she got personal as I listened in amazement. “You’re intelligent,” she said. I wasn’t going to argue with her observation and retorted, “Yes, I am.” “Then next time you should know better,” she snapped, handing me my stamped passport. “And maybe next time there will be a sign telling me where to go,” I replied as I took my passport and walked away. Whew! What a welcome home!
Proverbs for Potentially Ugly Situations
Thinking about this incident, I have to admit it made me laugh. I never expected to tangle with an official at an airport—that’s not my style. I’m a Bible teacher, not out to create conflict. But on reflection I asked the Lord what would help me the next time. And what might help you. Four practical and Scriptural responses to difficult, grumpy people came to mind. Each one is from the powerful life-coaching book of Proverbs and will help you handle potentially ugly situations.
1. Control Yourself! Proverbs 11:12b: “A person of understanding holds their tongue.” As soon as you sense conflict, consciously take a deep breath and mentally step back from the issue. We’re to live a life that is worthy of our calling—that means choosing to be humble and gentle, patient and forbearing with difficult people (Ephesians 4: 1-3). When we ask for those qualities, the Holy Spirit gives them—right there in the moment, helping us hold our tongues!
2. Give a Soft Answer. Proverbs 15:1:“A gentle answer turns away wrath, but a harsh word stirs up anger.” Remember your tone of voice makes a powerful statement. It can be sarcastic, irritated, or accusatory. To defuse a conflict, lower your voice, be conciliatory instead of harsh.Ask yourself “What is this about? Is my reaction justified? Or do I just want to blow off steam?” (For more help in handling personal conflict, see Why Can’t He Be More Like Me?)
3. Should You Speak Up or Shut Up? Proverbs 10: 31:“The mouth of the righteous brings forth wisdom.” There are times to forbear with someone’s negative attitude and recognize we are all human, we all get worn out and frazzled, and that giving grace and understanding is a powerful witness to Christ living in you. However, there are times when a truth or principle must be upheld and speaking up is needed to help the person involved recognize that their attitude or behavior is harming themselves. In that case, it is a loving (although difficult) step to take—but let me encourage you to pray, seek God’s wisdom for what to say, and wait for the right time. “The lips of the righteous know what is fitting” (Proverbs 10:32).
4. Remember You Represent Christ. Proverbs 29:23: “A person’s pride brings him low, but a person of lowly spirit gains honor.” When we feel disrespected or mistreated, it is easy to react from our old nature and respond in the way we are being treated. In doing this, we forget that we are God’s temple and God’s Spirit lives in us (1 Corinthians 3:16). We are Christ’s ambassadors, His representatives to this world. In difficult encounters with grumpy or rude people, we have both the responsibility and the privilege of responding in ways that bring calm, respect, and healing of conflicts (2 Corinthians 5: 17-21).
Let's talk: Do you encounter difficult people in your work, in your family, or in rushing through daily life? Take some preventative steps and pray about how the Lord wants you to represent Him and thank Him for His power that will enable you to calm down and say what honors Him.If you have a story of victory—leave a comment. I’d love to hear about it and perhaps share in a future blog post for others to learn from your experience.
This article originally appeared in my latest issue of Thrive, my free monthly newsletter. If you liked this article, you may want to sign up for Thrive to receive future issues with more articles like this one!
Blessings!